Saturday, May 31, 2008

Creating Space in the Lack

Recently, I've been experimenting with the effects of breaking habits and the strange exposure I feel when I do so. I've been anticipating doing the same thing for a certain period of time just so I can go through the adjustment when I stop. Perhaps I am tackling my fear of change in small, intimate motions like the straightening of hair or the decision to take a different set of stairs to the street from the train.

I can't tell if this is for other people or myself. I planned this week, somewhat meticulously, to wear a skirt every day sans Friday, as if to convey the impression that, this day, Friday, is a different day without doing anything particularly blatant but just a subtle change in my demeanor. I mean, really, I can't quite tell if this is something that is mostly in my head, but I think its way more effective to realize that something is missing as opposed to being an addition. (For the record, I've determined I'm much happier in a skirt.)

Adding things is usually much more time consuming than taking them away. Hair, beards and fingernails all come in gradually, but their removal is always noticeable and usually unsettling, giving an impression of nakedness. This type of approach to appears requires a commitment of time...and maybe a maniacal attention to detail.

All of this came about because I noticed how strange my eyes look not surrounded by liner. I feel kind of guilty admitting that.

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